Dating secrets in your 40 s
— As a dating coach for single women over 40, one of the first questions I ask a client is, “What’s your biggest problem in dating? I recently asked a group of about 300 single, divorced, and widowed women over 40 what their biggest problems were in dating. But when a man rushes sex, women often feel objectified.” I want to know what they’ve tried and what their struggles are. I wanted to see how many struggled with the same issues. They want to be appreciated for more than their bodies.
Memories of university romances danced in my head as I practised flirting in the mirror while holding a glass of wine. Predictably, no one noticed us except the bartender. There's barely enough time to jot down a name, let alone envision holding hands on a moonlit beach. To me, that seemed equivalent to six months in single-and-fortysomething years.
While we were discussing our next move, music suddenly started blaring so loudly it killed the conversation. Our trio of not-wanting-to-be-cougars raced back to my place and my stockpile of red wine. At the end of the evening, the faces and conversations blurred together; not a single guy stood out as someone to see again. Meeting men through mutual friends was no longer possible, as none knew any single and dateable guys. Sundays that summer became a joyous mix of sand, sun and beer. Encouraged by such a long relationship, I grew bolder.
Conversations with other singles netted valuable information about meeting mates online. Dating online screamed, "I am an old-fashioned dimwit that's completely unable to meet and/or converse with potential mates." But single friends eventually convinced me that online dating was the most straightforward way to find a partner once you're out of school.
I was amazed at how quickly and openly they broached the topic of Internet dating: "Hi, so which sites are you on? Plan D: Create a savvy Internet persona and nickname.
At first, I scoured each profile and crafted individualized messages.